This week we learned that George Washington, general and first president of the United States, was not a smart man. Or at least that was the determination of current “president” of the United States, Biff Sackoforanges, back when he was touring Washington’s Mount Vernon mansion with French president Emmanuel Macron.
“If he was smart, he would’ve put his name on it,” Trump said, according to three sources briefed on the exchange. “You’ve got to put your name on stuff or no one remembers you.”
He’s got a point. I mean, who’s ever heard of George Washington? He didn’t release a sex tape or bankrupt a casino or sign his name to a giant novelty check or anything. The man was a half-celebrity at best. A supposedly wealthy man who couldn’t even get out of military service?
Trump’s declarations upon touring Mount Vernon with Macron were apparently relayed by the associates of a still-traumatized history professor and tour guide, who described Trump as being bored and full of complaints about the size of the rooms and the unevenness of the floorboards.
He could have built the place better, he said, and for less money.
Don’t even get him started on the bathroom facilities.
Anyhoo, this is not doing much to dissuade me from my previous assertions that the sitting commander in chief is (1) a simpleton, and/or (2) is genuinely out of his gourd. But this is who Republican voters determined was the Very Best Republican they could find, the man most representative of their values and ideals, and if most of them think Donald Trump could take George Washington in a fight, who are we to judge?
Washington’s been dead for over 200 years, mind you, but if there’s a flight of stairs involved, I still think George could pull it off.
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